1 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:02,300 Malory: AND IF IT HAPPENS 2 00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,668 AGAIN, I'LL PUT A LOCK ON IT SO 3 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,170 NO ONE CAN ENJOY IT. 4 00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:08,206 MOVING ON, ITEM 7. 5 00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,040 OH. 6 00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,376 I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME TRAGIC NEWS. 7 00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:12,744 Archer: ITEM 6 WASN'T TRAGIC? 8 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,145 Malory: ZIP IT! Archer: WOW. 9 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:18,050 AGENT HECTOR RUíZ, WHO HAD INFILTRATED EL FRENTE ROJO, WAS 10 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,918 KILLED LAST NIGHT WHEN HIS COVER WAS BLOWN. 11 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:20,886 [ ALL MURMUR ] 12 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,719 Archer: WHO? 13 00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:22,921 Lana: HOW IN THE WORLD DID 14 00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:23,922 HIS COVER GET BLOWN? 15 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,090 HAHA! GRACIAS, AMIGO! Y VIVA LA -- 16 00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:26,992 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 17 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,460 Ruíz: PUTA MADRE! 18 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,895 PERDóNAME, SEÑORES. 19 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:30,695 HOLA? 20 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,130 Archer: RUíZ. HEY, MAN. 21 00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,265 TALK TO THESE CHICKS, ALL RIGHT? 22 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,967 TELL THEM HOW WE'RE REALLY ISIS 23 00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:36,969 AGENTS. 24 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,603 THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME. 25 00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:39,637 [ Spanish accent ] HELLO! 26 00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,406 SEÑOR WINGMAN! 27 00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,041 HE PROBABLY JUST GOT CARELESS. 28 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,576 Malory: I'M SURE HECTOR DIDN'T GET -- 29 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,611 Archer: OH, COME ON! RUíZ WAS A LOOSE CANNON. 30 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,781 HE PLAYED IT FAST, AND HE PLAYED IT LOOSE. AND IN THE END, HE GOT BURNED. 31 00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:50,982 Malory: BE THAT AS IT MAY... 32 00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,617 - Archer: LOOSE CANNON. - Malory: ...FOR ISIS TO 33 00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:56,221 CONTINUE ENJOYING TITLE 6 TAX INCENTIVES, WE HAVE TO MEET 34 00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,224 CERTAIN...DIVERSITY REQUIREMENTS. 35 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,959 Cyril: OH, I THINK WE'RE PRETTY DIVERSE. 36 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,093 - Lana: HA! PLEASE. - Archer: WHAT? 37 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:03,128 YOU'RE BLACK...ISH. 38 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,295 Lana: "ISH"? 39 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,064 Archer: WELL, WHAT'S THE WORD FOR IT, LANA? 40 00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,732 YOU FREAKED OUT WHEN I SAID "QUADROON." 41 00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,668 Lana: IMAGINE THAT! Archer: YOU IMAGINE IT! 42 00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,937 Malory: BOTH OF YOU, IMAGINE SHUTTING UP! 43 00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,406 BECAUSE AFTER LOSING AGENT PAK LAST YEAR... 44 00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:16,041 Archer: HEY, TELL THIS BROAD 45 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,809 WHAT'S UP WITH ISIS, PAK-MAN! 46 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:20,178 WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA! 47 00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:22,080 Malory: ...AND THEN AGENT MGUMBE... 48 00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,481 Archer: HEY, YOU GOING TO THIS LAME ISIS PICNIC? 49 00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,017 LOOSE CANNONS! 50 00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:28,586 Malory: ...THE ISIS PALETTE HAS BECOME DECIDEDLY MONOCHROMATIC. 51 00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:29,854 I'M 1/64th CHEROKEE. 52 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,823 [ ALL GROAN ] 53 00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:32,958 WHAT?! 54 00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,393 Cyril: "A," NO, YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT. 55 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,628 Lana: AND "B" THROUGH "Z," NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. 56 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,996 - RACIST! - Lana: WHAT?! 57 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,665 YOU'RE ANTI-NATIVE AMERICAN! 58 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,132 Malory: [ WHISTLES SHRILLY ] 59 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,667 [ ALL GROAN ] 60 00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:44,002 ITEM 8. 61 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,704 WE NEED A DIVERSITY HIRE. 62 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,338 - Archer: I VOTE ASIAN CHICK. - Malory: AND AFTER AN 63 00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,140 EXHAUSTIVE SEARCH, I FOUND THE 64 00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,676 PERFECT CANDIDATE. 65 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,478 SO JOIN ME IN WELCOMING OUR 66 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,112 NEW ISIS AGENT... 67 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,780 Conway: STERN. 68 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:56,882 CONWAY STERN. 69 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,516 Malory: HE'S A DIVERSITY 70 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,686 DOUBLE WHAMMY. 71 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:36,754 Malory: SO THAT WAS THE FIRING RANGE AND THE CAFETERIA, AND -- DO YOU KEEP KOSHER? 72 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,290 Conway: WELL, I-I DO HAVE A WEAKNESS FOR PRAWNS. 73 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:42,060 Malory: ME TOO! I'LL HAVE THEM MAKE PAELLA 74 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,027 TOMORROW. 75 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,796 OKAY, THAT'S THE MAINFRAME, AND 76 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,831 THESE ARE ALL JUST...DRONES. 77 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,233 Cyril: HEY! Conway: "DRONES"? 78 00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,068 MALORY, T-THESE ARE THE UNSUNG HEROES OF ISIS. 79 00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,005 I MEAN, WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT MY MAN CYRIL IN ACCOUNTING... 80 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,773 Cyril: HEY, THANKS...BRO. 81 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:56,675 Conway: YOU GOT IT, BUDDY. 82 00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,011 ...OR THE LOVELY PAM IN HUMAN RESOURCES? 83 00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,478 Pam: YEAH, I AM KIND OF LOVELY. 84 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,547 Conway: AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST -- 85 00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,915 I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME. 86 00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,083 ME NEITHER. 87 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,685 Malory: SEE? THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! 88 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,187 NOW OVER HERE IS A BIG CORNER OFFICE. 89 00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,589 Conway: I SEE IT'S CURRENTLY EMPTY. 90 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,524 LIKE MY "VAGINE." 91 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,526 Pam: YEAH, BUT UNLIKE YOUR DUSTY "VAGINE," 92 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:15,827 IT'S NOT GONNA STAY EMPTY. 93 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,028 Cyril: WAIT. 94 00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:18,497 YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GETTING THE OFFICE? 95 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,765 Pam: WELL, I AM THE HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR. 96 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,366 Cyril: BUT, PAM, COME ON. 97 00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:26,405 LET'S FACE IT -- YOUR ENTIRE JOB COULD BE DONE BY A -- A BULLETIN BOARD. 98 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,205 Pam: YOU HEARD CONWAY. 99 00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,373 I'M ESSENTIAL. 100 00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,208 - Cyril: HOW? - I CAN GO ONLINE AND GET A LIST 101 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,210 OF EVERY FEDERAL HOLIDAY FOR THE NEXT -- 102 00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,845 [ COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING ] WOW. 10,000 YEARS. 103 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,047 Pam: WAIT. REALLY? 10,000? 104 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,484 OH. NO. THIS ISN'T EVEN ON. 105 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,187 Pam: I'M GONNA GET THAT OFFICE! Cyril: I'M GETTING IT, PAM! 106 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,055 OH, MY GOD. 107 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,423 I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS. 108 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,991 Malory: AND THIS... 109 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,160 IS THE LOCKER ROOM. 110 00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,861 Conway: YEAH, THE, UH, 111 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,063 LOCKERS WERE A TIP-OFF. 112 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,930 Malory: WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU TO IT. 113 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,066 BUT IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, 114 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,267 WELL, YOU KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE, 115 00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,369 DON'T YOU, CONWAY? 116 00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,037 Conway: YEP. LIPS TOGETHER, BLOW. GOT IT. 117 00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:03,542 Malory: OH [CHUCKLES] YOU ARE JUST A LITTLE TREASURE! 118 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,309 [ GIGGLING ] 119 00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,843 Conway: JESUS, CONWAY, 120 00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,213 WHAT HAVE YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO, MAN? [ GUN COCKS ] 121 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,114 Archer: YOU BETTER PRAY IT WASN'T MY MOTHER. 122 00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,685 Conway: I'M FAIRLY CONFIDENT THAT YOU MISREAD THAT WHOLE SITUATION. 123 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,023 Archer: OH, YEAH? Conway: AND I'M REAL CONFIDENT YOU MISREAD THIS ONE. 124 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,390 Archer: OH! 125 00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,892 UH, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? 126 00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:21,993 Conway: THIS ONE, UH, 127 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,327 ACTUALLY SEEMS KIND OF GAY. 128 00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,863 Archer: MAYBE BECAUSE OUR, 129 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:25,930 UH, PENISES ARE TOUCHING. 130 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,099 Conway: YEAH, SO LET'S GO 131 00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,334 ON... 132 00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,737 Both: THREE! 133 00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,972 Conway: WHAT, YOU, UH, YOU SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE? 134 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,174 Archer: WH-- NO, YOU...QUEER. 135 00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:39,911 Conway: OH, I'M QUEER? FROM THE GUY WHOSE TINY GUN CAME WITH A MATCHING PURSE. 136 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,247 Archer: HEY, IT'S GOT PLENTY OF STOPPING POWER. 137 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,082 Brett: WHAT?! THAT LITTLE -- 138 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,917 GOD DAMN IT, ARCHER! Conway: OH, SHIT. 139 00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,018 Archer: SEE THAT? 140 00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,253 HE WAS PUTTING ON HIS PANTS, 141 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,254 AND I STOPPED HIM. 142 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,488 SO YOU JUST WATCH YOUR STEP, 143 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,191 MISTER, UH, DAMN IT. Conway: HEY, RIGHT THERE, 144 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,492 WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH 145 00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:55,827 WAS "SAMMY GAY-VIS JR." 146 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,028 Archer: DAMN IT! 147 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,097 Cyril: COME ON. SHE DOESN'T NEED A CORNER OFFICE 148 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,900 JUST TO XEROX THE ISIS NEWSLETTER. 149 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,001 Pam: COLOR XEROX! 150 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:03,968 AND, WHAT, YOU NEED MORE ROOM 151 00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,770 TO CHOP VEGETABLES? 152 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,974 Malory: ALL RIGHT! OBVIOUSLY, I NEED TO MAKE A DECISION, BUT WHICH SHALL IT -- 153 00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,009 OOH! 154 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,044 OR I COULD GIVE CONWAY BOTH. 155 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,279 Lana: YOU WHAT?! 156 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,613 Conway: I ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THOSE. 157 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,049 Lana: FRODO AND SALSA WERE MY OPERATIONS! 158 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,750 Conway: AT EASE, CAREER ADMIRAL. 159 00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,453 MALORY WAS GETTING IMPATIENT ON SALSA. 160 00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,454 Lana: SALSA WAS A HIGHLY COMPLEX OPERATION. 161 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,090 Conway: TWO PHONE CALLS. AND AS FOR FRODO... 162 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,191 Lana: WH-- 163 00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,828 Conway: WELL, SOME PUN INVOLVING HOBBITS. 164 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,832 LIKE, I BET HE WISHES HE WAS WEARING BILBO'S COAT OF DWARVEN MITHRIL, RIGHT? 165 00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,033 Conway: GONNA TAKE YOUR WORD ON THAT. 166 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,303 Lana: OH, YEAH? WELL, TAKE MY WORD ON THIS -- 167 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,005 I'M THE TOP AGENT AROUND HERE, 168 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,106 SO WATCH IT! 169 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,340 SO, SEE, IN MIDDLE-EARTH -- 170 00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,307 Conway: Shh! 171 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,943 Shh. Shh. Shh. 172 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:45,810 COME ON, BUDDY. 173 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,677 Pam: YOU'RE KIDDING. 174 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,246 Archer: NO, I'M DEAD SERIOUS. 175 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,281 Pam: YEAH? Archer: I WANT TO FILE AN H.R. COMPLAINT AGAINST CONWAY. 176 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,985 Pam: ON WHAT GROUNDS? Archer: HE TOUCHED MY PENIS WITH HIS PENIS. 177 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:54,719 Pam: WOW. 178 00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,288 Archer: YEAH, HE JUST CAME UP 179 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,722 TO ME AND WAS LIKE, "BYOP." 180 00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:58,556 Pam: WHERE? 181 00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,658 Archer: ALL OF IT -- HEAD AND SHAFT. 182 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,560 Archer: OH, YOU MEAN WHERE IN THE BUILDING? 183 00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,462 - 'CAUSE THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER. - Pam: I'VE GOT THIS OTHER 184 00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,564 COMPLAINT FROM BRETT, WHO SAYS 185 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,899 YOU SHOT HIM AGAIN. 186 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,167 Archer: HERE'S THE THING 187 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,603 ABOUT BRETT. 188 00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:13,538 Pam: AW, SHIT! 189 00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,206 THOSE WERE THE NEWSLETTERS! 190 00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:18,243 CYRIL, I NEED A LITTLE FAVOR. 191 00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,378 Cyril: OKAY, CARI-- OH, 192 00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,946 NOW IT'S "CRISTAL"? 193 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,214 CRIS-TAL! 194 00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:24,715 YOU KNOW, LIKE THE CHAMPAGNE? 195 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,117 IT'S WHAT HOT BLACK GUYS DRINK. 196 00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,551 Cyril: UH, YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? 197 00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,020 AND I WANT CONWAY TO DRINK 198 00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,256 ME, SO I NEED YOU TO HOOK A SISTER UP. 199 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,924 Cyril: WELL, I WILL... 200 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:33,958 CERTAINLY TRY. 201 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,059 DON'T TRY. DO. 202 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,828 AND, HERE, USE THIS. 203 00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,430 Cyril: [ SNIFFS ] UHH! WOW! WHAT IS THIS? 204 00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,699 TELL CONWAY THAT HIS 205 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,134 SECRET SANTA WANTS TO COME EARLY. 206 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,736 Cyril: EW. 207 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:48,173 OR, YOU KNOW, WHOEVER BRINGS JEWISH PEOPLE THEIR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. 208 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:48,940 [ MOTOR WHIRRING ] 209 00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:49,974 Lana: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 210 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:51,409 Archer: UH, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS-ING? 211 00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,512 AND WHAT KIND OF SPY AGENCY SCRIMPS ON A FREAKING SHREDDER? 212 00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:58,016 Lana: WELL, APPARENTLY THE KIND THAT SCRIMPS ON BACKGROUND CHECKS. 213 00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,851 WHO IS THIS GUY? Archer: I DON'T KNOW, BUT I 214 00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:02,620 GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT MOTHER'S LITTLE "PROJECT CONWAY." 215 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:06,424 Lana: SO, I MUST BE HAVING A STROKE, BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY AGREE ON SOMETHING. 216 00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,093 Archer: WAIT. REALLY? 217 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,596 Lana: TOTALLY! I MEAN, HE SHOWS UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND STARTS TRYING TO GET 218 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,164 ALL UP IN EVERYTHING? 219 00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,900 I MEAN, SALSA, FRODO -- 220 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,800 Archer: POSSIBLY MOTHER. 221 00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,535 Lana: AND WHAT DO WE EVEN KNOW ABOUT HIM? 222 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,537 Archer: ONLY THAT HE'S NOT CIRCUMCISED. 223 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,572 Lana: OKAY, GLOSSING OVER 224 00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:22,774 HOW YOU KNOW THAT -- 225 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,041 Archer: WE TOUCHED PENISES. 226 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,643 Lana: NO! GLOSSING! 227 00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,411 BUT A NON-CIRCUMCISED JEWISH 228 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,780 GUY -- THAT'S NOT WEIRD TO YOU? 229 00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,114 Archer: NO, WHY WOULD -- I MEAN, 230 00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:33,151 I'M NOT JEWISH, AND I AM CIRCUMCISED, SO IT CAN HAPPEN -- 231 00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,619 Lana: IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! 232 00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,889 Archer: LANA, COME ON. I THINK WE BOTH KNOW IT WORKS FINE. 233 00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:38,856 Lana: OH, COME ON! 234 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,559 NOT YOUR DICK, DUMBASS! Archer: OH, MY GOD! 235 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:42,761 THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND ME, RIGHT? 236 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,796 Lana: OH, MY GOD! GET OVER YOURSELF! 237 00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,598 Archer: HEY, I AM OVER ME! 238 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,567 BUT APPARENTLY YOU'RE NOT! [ SNIFFS ] 239 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,268 WHAT THE HELL SMELLS LIKE SHRIMP? 240 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,207 JUST MY SENSUAL WOMANHOOD. 241 00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,507 OH, WAIT. EW. 242 00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,643 Conway: I'LL BET YOUR WOMANHOOD SMELLS DIVINE. 243 00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:02,780 CONWAY! Conway: NOW, WHOM CAN I THANK FOR THESE SHRIMP? 244 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,115 ME! 245 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,686 YOUR SECRET JEW SANTA! 246 00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,756 CONWAY! THAT WAS AMAZING! 247 00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:16,494 Conway: YEAH. SO, UH, OKAY. 248 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,662 OH, MY GOD. I HOPE I'M PREGNANT. 249 00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:19,530 Archer: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 250 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,700 Pam: WELL, THE SYSTEM BOUNCED BACK YOUR SEXUAL-HARASSMENT COMPLAINT AGAINST CONWAY. 251 00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,669 Archer: WELL, UNBOUNCE IT BACK. 252 00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:27,738 Pam: WHO AM I -- TRON? GO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER. SHE'S THE ONE WHO BOUNCED IT. 253 00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,140 - Archer: WHY?! - Pam: HEY, WHOA! 254 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,575 Archer: WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT? 255 00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,378 Pam: DON'T GO STARTING RUMORS ABOUT CONWAY BONING YOUR MOTHER. 256 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,411 Archer: OH, MY -- 257 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,446 [ VOMITS ] 258 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:36,814 [ COUGHS ] 259 00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,417 Pam: YOU GET ANY OF THAT IN THE TRASH CAN? 260 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,451 Archer: NO. 261 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,454 I, UH, MISSED ON PURPOSE. 262 00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,589 Lana: HEY, MALORY, UH, YOU GOT A SECOND? 263 00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,057 Malory: I SINCERELY DOUBT IT. 264 00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,425 Lana: IT'S ABOUT CONWAY. 265 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,526 Malory: THEN YES! 266 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:49,760 I HAVE ENTIRE MINUTES! 267 00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,130 ISN'T HE JUST A DREAM COME TRUE? 268 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,731 Lana: WELL, THAT'S THE THING. 269 00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,734 HOW DID YOU ACTUALLY FIND CONWAY? 270 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,935 Malory: WELL, HE JUST SORT OF...APPEARED... 271 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,171 Lana: UH, YES, OKAY. Malory: ...LIKE A FOUNDLING, 272 00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,372 CARVED OUT OF ONYX! 273 00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,674 Lana: YES, BUT FROM WHERE? 274 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,243 I MEAN, IF YOU DIDN'T DO A BACKGROUND CHECK -- 275 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,446 Malory: ARE YOU AN IDIOT, OR DO YOU JUST THINK I AM? 276 00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,414 - HE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT. - Lana: OKAY. 277 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,683 SO, DO YOU MIND IF I JUST TAKE A LITTLE -- 278 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,983 Malory: LANA KANE! 279 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:16,087 JUST BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY BLACK AGENT -- 280 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,089 Lana: HEY, THAT IS NOT -- 281 00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,824 Malory: "URBAN," WHATEVER. 282 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:24,228 YOU COME IN HERE AND ACCUSE CONWAY OF WHAT, EXACTLY? 283 00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,798 Lana: OKAY, FINE. I CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. 284 00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:31,870 Malory: BUT THAT NEVER STOPPED J. EDNA HOOVER FROM PERSECUTING MARTIN LUTHER KING, 285 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,703 NOW, DID IT? 286 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,973 Lana: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO -- WAIT. 287 00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:35,940 J. EDNA? 288 00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:36,841 Malory: YOU NEVER HEARD THAT? 289 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,710 HOW HOOVER WAS THIS HUGE, 290 00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,278 CROSS-DRESSING CHICKEN HAWK? 291 00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:41,612 Lana: I HAD NOT. 292 00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,848 Malory: WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF SLANDEROUS AND 293 00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,784 UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOR I WILL 294 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,651 NOT TOLERATE AT ISIS! 295 00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,654 THINK ABOUT THAT WHILE YOU'RE ON SUSPENSION. 296 00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,788 Lana: WHILE I'M ON WHAT?! 297 00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,257 Malory: WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF AND RACIST? 298 00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,359 Lana: I'M BLACK! 299 00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,394 Malory: OH, PUT IT BACK IN THE DECK. 300 00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,162 Cyril: HEY, HOW'S MY LOVELY LADY? 301 00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:58,629 Lana: SUSPENDED! 302 00:09:58,665 --> 00:09:59,997 Cyril: WHAT?! 303 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,168 Lana: MALORY SUSPENDED ME JUST BECAUSE I HAD THE NERVE TO 304 00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,671 ASK A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT HER LITTLE HOMEBOY McJEWERSON! 305 00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,606 Cyril: WHOA. LANA, HONEY. Lana: WHAT?! 306 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:12,110 Cyril: EVEN THOUGH IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL FOR YOU TO BE JEALOUS OF CONWAY -- 307 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,512 Lana: [ GASPS ] 308 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,047 Conway: THEN SHE COLDCOCKED YOU, HUH? 309 00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,717 Cyril: YEAH, WITH THAT BIG "FLINTSTONEY" FIST OF HERS. 310 00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,518 BUT, SERIOUSLY, "HOMEBOY MCJEWERSON"? 311 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,119 Conway: COME ON. I'VE HEARD WORSE THAN THAT. 312 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,821 Cyril: BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. 313 00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,323 I MEAN MAYBE IF YOU WERE SCOTTISH OR -- 314 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,657 Conway: HEY, MAN, RACISM, 315 00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,792 ANTI-SEMITISM -- YOU CAN'T GO 316 00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,627 LOOKING FOR THE LOGIC IN IT. 317 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,796 HERE, THIS'LL HELP THE SWELLING. Cyril: OH, THANK YOU. [ CHUCKLES ] 318 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:33,864 WHERE'D YOU GET THE STEAK? 319 00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,000 Conway: CRISTAL. YET ANOTHER OFFERING OF 320 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,802 UNREFRIGERATED MEAT AND/OR SEAFOOD. 321 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,704 Cyril: YEAH, SHE'S KIND OF WEIRD THAT WAY. 322 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,705 Conway: YEAH, SHE'S KIND OF WEIRD A BUNCH OF WAYS. 323 00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,074 [ COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING ] 324 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,942 Pam: WHAT YOU DOING, BIRD BONES? 325 00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,811 LOOKING FOR A PREGNANCY TEST ONLINE. 326 00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,714 Pam: BUT THERE'S A DRUGSTORE HALF A -- OH. 327 00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,649 YOU MEAN THAT YOU TAKE ONLINE? 328 00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:52,984 YEAH, I WANT TO KNOW, LIKE, NOW. 329 00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,952 Pam: WELL, THANK GOD FOR THEM INTERNETS. 330 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,788 Archer: OKAY WHAT'S THIS LAME MEETING ABOUT? 331 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,289 NO IDEA, AND I'M BUSY, AND GO AWAY. 332 00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,858 Archer: EXCUSE ME? OH, MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? 333 00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,860 Archer: MOTHER CALLED ME FOR A MEETING. 334 00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,629 Malory: BUT I THOUGHT YOU CALLED A MEETING. 335 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,264 OH, AND BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T CALL A MEETING! 336 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,833 ONLY I CALL A MEETING! 337 00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:09,967 Conway: I CALLED THE MEETING. 338 00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,703 Malory: WHICH I LOVE THAT YOU DID THAT. 339 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,973 Conway: I'M SORRY. I KNOW IT'S NOT STANDARD PROCEDURE, BUT WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. 340 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,710 A PROBLEM? OR A BLESSING? 341 00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,245 Conway: A PROBLEM. 342 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,414 IT'S A SILENT SUBMARINE-PROPULSION SYSTEM 343 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,849 CALLED THE "WHISPER DRIVE." 344 00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:25,917 Malory: OOH, SOUNDS SEXY. 345 00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,284 Archer: WOULD YOU STOP IT?! 346 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,686 Conway: FOLKS, PLEASE. Archer: EMBARRASSING. 347 00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,622 Malory: YOU'RE EMBARRASSING. Conway: JESUS. 348 00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,591 THIS IS WILHELM SCHMECK, 349 00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,426 INVENTOR OF THE WHISPER DRIVE. 350 00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,561 YESTERDAY SCHMECK WENT MISSING, 351 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,029 ALONG WITH THE PLANS FOR THE WHISPER DRIVE. 352 00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,865 I'VE TRACKED HIM TO SOUTH BEACH, WHERE HE'S ARRANGED TO SELL THE 353 00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,900 PLANS TO CUBAN NAVAL INTELLIGENCE. 354 00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:48,973 IF THAT HAPPENS, UNDETECTABLE CUBAN MISSILE SUBS COULD BE PARKED RIGHT OFF MIAMI BEACH. 355 00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,410 Malory: UGH! JUST WHAT MIAMI NEEDS -- MORE CUBANS. 356 00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,611 Conway: AND ALL WE NEED IS A 357 00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,046 STAND-IN WHO RESEMBLES SCHMECK'S 358 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:55,947 CUBAN CONTACT. 359 00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:59,283 Archer: WH-- THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME. 360 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,052 Malory: WELL, HE'S JUST A LOT MORE HANDSOME. 361 00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,487 Archer: YEAH, WHATEVER. Malory: ZIP IT! 362 00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,089 CONWAY, DEAR, THE PLAN? 363 00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,491 Conway: USING ARCHER AS BAIT, 364 00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,927 WE SLIP IN JUST AHEAD OF THE REAL CUBANS, CAPTURE SCHMECK, 365 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,728 AND RECOVER THE PLANS. 366 00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,998 AND IF WE COULD RUN THIS THING THROUGH YOUR CONDO, THAT WOULD BE -- 367 00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,934 Archer: YOU HAVE A SOUTH BEACH CONDO?! 368 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,169 Conway: OH, HEY, HOW'S THE, UH, LEMON TREE DOING? 369 00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:21,105 Malory: RAúL SAYS IT ALREADY HAS TINY LEMONS. 370 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,907 THAT WAS A WONDERFUL THANK-YOU GIFT. 371 00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:23,974 Conway: WELL, IT WAS A WONDERFUL WEEKEND. 372 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,944 Malory: IT WAS, WASN'T IT? 373 00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,547 Archer: YOU WERE THERE, IN THE CONDO, TOGETHER?! Conway: YEAH, LAST WEEKEND. 374 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,848 Archer: [ VOMITS ] 375 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,016 Malory: OH, FOR -- SEE?! 376 00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,684 THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU 377 00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:36,120 DRINK ALL DAY AND SKIP LUNCH! 378 00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:39,157 OH, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE PAELLA. 379 00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,891 Archer: [ VOMITS ] 380 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,293 [ ENGINE WHIRRING ] 381 00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,728 Conway: ARCHER, COME ON, MAN. LET'S GO. 382 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,098 Archer: YOU GO! GET ON THE PLANE, BUCKLE IN, 383 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,468 SIT THERE, AND THINK ABOUT HOW YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. 384 00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,837 HEY, BABE. GOT ANY EXTRA PUKE BAGS? 385 00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,306 Lana: WHY? YOU TAKING A MORAL INVENTORY? 386 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,307 Archer: JESUS, GOD! 387 00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,742 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 388 00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,809 Lana: I'M TRYING TO SAVE -- 389 00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,044 Archer: OUR RELATIONSHIP? LANA -- 390 00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,679 - Lana: ARCHER! - Archer: MAYBE WHEN I GET 391 00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:05,215 BACK, WE CAN WORK OUT SOME KIND OF BANG-BUDDY DEAL, BUT -- 392 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,084 OW! 393 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,353 Lana: I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO ME. 394 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,188 Archer: WELL, THEN UNPERFORATE MY EARDRUM! 395 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,392 Lana: UN... HEAD UP YOUR ASS! 396 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,661 I THINK CONWAY IS TOTALLY UP TO SOMETHING. 397 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,730 Archer: DUH! YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT? 398 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,432 I KNOW HE WANTS TO MARRY MOTHER AND MAKE HER CUT ME OUT OF THE 399 00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,867 - WILL... - Lana: ARCHER -- 400 00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,702 Archer: ...WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING TO KILL HIM. 401 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,203 Lana: OH! WHATEVER THE REASON -- 402 00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,073 Archer: IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF THE WHOLE BLACK-STEPFATHER THING. 403 00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:29,774 I THINK YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT. 404 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,542 Lana: YEAH, I DO. 405 00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,046 SO TRY NOT TO DO ANYTHING STUPID, OKAY? CONWAY COULD BE DANGEROUS. 406 00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,415 Archer: YOU KNOW WHAT'S DANGEROUS? YOUR OBSESSION WITH ME. 407 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,051 SERIOUSLY, LANA, CALL KENNY LOGGINS 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN 408 00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,119 THE DANGER ZONE -- FROM 409 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:42,720 "TOP GUN." 410 00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,290 Lana: JUST BE CAREFUL. 411 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,926 Archer: NO. 412 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,896 Archer: GOD, THIS IS SO... 413 00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,397 CLASSIC MOTHER! 414 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,599 Conway: YEAH, IT'S, UH, 415 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,700 PRETTY TASTEFULLY DONE, HUH? 416 00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,735 Archer: NO, YOU ASS! THE SELFISHNESS. 417 00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,737 SHE NEVER SHARES ANYTHING WITH ANYBODY. 418 00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,739 Cyril: YOU'RE KEEPING THAT OFFICE FOR YOU?! 419 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,107 Malory: I NEED IT TO ESCAPE 420 00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,276 THE GLARE FROM THOSE WINDOWS ACROSS THE STREET. 421 00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,345 Pam: FROM THE -- THERE'S NO GLARE! 422 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,280 Malory: WELL, NOT NOW. BUT MID-APRIL? 423 00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,516 EVERY MORNING FOR ALMOST 20 MINUTES. 424 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,717 Cyril: SO, YOU'RE GONNA KEEP 425 00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,918 THAT HUGE CORNER OFFICE EMPTY THE OTHER... 426 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,954 Pam: 90 GAZILLION PERCENT OF THE TIME... 427 00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,856 Cyril: JUST BECAUSE THE GLARE IS ANNOYING?! 428 00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,626 Malory: WELL... SEMI-ANNOYING. 429 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,927 Conway: OKAY, YOU'RE MEETING 430 00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,196 SCHMECK AT THAT CAFé ACROSS THE STREET DOWN THERE. 431 00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,097 Archer: AND, UH, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT EXACTLY? 432 00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,932 Conway: WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. 433 00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:33,003 Archer: YEAH, TWO PEOPLE ALL ALONE TOGETHER, DOWN HERE IN SOUTH BEACH... 434 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,206 Conway: SO I'D RATHER HAVE IT AND NOT NEED IT... 435 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,874 - Archer: UH-HUH. - Conway: ...THAN NEED IT AND 436 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,242 - NOT HAVE IT. - Archer: OH. UH-HUH. 437 00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,810 Conway: KIND OF LIKE A CONDOM, I GUESS, 438 00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,078 WHICH ACTUALLY HAPPENED LAST WEEKEND. 439 00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,246 Archer: OH, MY -- [ VOMITS ] 440 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,148 Conway: DAMN, MAN! I WAS KIDDING. 441 00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,683 LOOK, IF YOU'RE TOO NERVOUS -- 442 00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,352 Archer: I'M FINE, ALL RIGHT? 443 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,120 JUST LET ME RINSE OFF MY MUSTACHE. 444 00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,256 Schmeck: YOU ARE MORE HANDSOME IN YOUR PHOTOS. 445 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,224 Archer: OH. YEAH, TALK TO ME ABOUT HANDSOME. 446 00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,994 Schmeck: AND YOU HAVE NO TRACE OF CUBAN ACCENT. 447 00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,195 Archer: YEAH, IT'S CALLED 448 00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,830 TRADECRAFT, GENIUS. I BLEND. 449 00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,398 Conway: JUST SHUT UP AND GET THE PLANS. 450 00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,833 Archer: YOU SHUT UP AND GET THE PLANS. 451 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,035 Schmeck: WHAT? 452 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,337 Archer: I MEAN, GIVE ME -- ME THOSE PLANS NOW. 453 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:07,538 - GIVE ME THOSE PLANS. - Schmeck: YOU MAY HAVE THEM 454 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,974 ONCE I CONFIRM THE BALANCE IN MY SWISS ACCOUNT. 455 00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,309 Archer: OH, TELL HIM NOT TO BOTHER. 456 00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,744 - Schmeck: WHAT? - Archer: WAIT. WHAT ARE WE DOING? 457 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,246 [ SILENCED GUNSHOT ] 458 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,181 Archer: CONWAY! WHAT THE SHIT, MAN?! 459 00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,549 Conway: WHAT?! SCHMECK WAS A TRAITOR. 460 00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,653 Archer: YEAH, AND NOW HE'S ALL OVER MY $400 CUSTOM SHIRT! 461 00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,755 Conway: WELL, I'LL BUY YOU A NEW ONE. 462 00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,323 NOW GRAB THE PLANS BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! 463 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,924 Archer: IT'S ALREADY TOO LATE... 464 00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,292 YES, IT IS! 465 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,626 NOW HAND OVER -- 466 00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,896 Archer: ...BECAUSE IT'S ALREADY SOAKED INTO THE FIBERS, DUMBASS! 467 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,432 THIS IS LINEN! 468 00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:39,237 AND THAT IS A CUBAN HIT SQUAD. 469 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,539 Conway: AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO DUCK. 470 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:44,575 [ SILENCED GUNSHOTS ] 471 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,944 Archer: OH, MY GOD. 472 00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,446 CONWAY! 473 00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,880 THAT WAS AMAZING! 474 00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:51,015 Conway: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW. 475 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,149 Archer: NO, SERIOUSLY! 476 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,352 THAT WAS LIKE -- THAT WAS LIKE -- 477 00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,120 Conway: A CHARLES WHITMAN SAMPLER? 478 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,155 Archer: DAMN IT! YES! 479 00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,323 AND, SERIOUSLY, THANKS. 480 00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,659 Conway: OH, DON'T THANK ME YET. 481 00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,060 Archer: WHA-- CONWAY, NO! 482 00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:04,228 [ SILENCED GUNSHOTS ] 483 00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:04,495 [ THUD ] 484 00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,964 Conway: NOW YOU CAN THANK ME. 485 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,466 Archer: OH, MY GOD! YOU SAVED MY LIFE TWICE! 486 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,068 Conway: YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME FOR ME. 487 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,171 Archer: NO, I WOULDN'T HAVE! I MEAN, I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF 488 00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,072 PLANNING TO KILL YOU. 489 00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,675 Conway: WAIT. WHAT?! Archer: I KNOW, I KNOW. NOW I'M TOTALLY EMBARRASSED. 490 00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,578 Conway: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, DUDE. 491 00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,079 MATTER OF FACT, COME HERE. LET'S MAN-HUG IT. 492 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,215 Archer: ALL RIGHT. OKAY. UM, YEAH. 493 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:27,785 Conway: I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE ARE GONNA BE FAMILY, ONCE I MARRY YOUR MOM. 494 00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,755 Archer: WHAT?! Conway: I'M KIDDING! GOD, RELAX, MAN! 495 00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,926 Archer: 'CAUSE FOR A SECOND THERE, I WAS LIKE -- I MEAN, NOT IN A RACIST WAY -- BUT -- 496 00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,629 CONWAY? Conway: YEAH, BUDDY. 497 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,698 Archer: ARE THERE MORE BAD GUYS BEHIND ME? 498 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,301 Conway: NOPE. Archer: YOU DICK. 499 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,203 [ THUD ] Conway: [ LAUGHS ] 500 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,572 YOU DUMBASS! I SET THIS WHOLE THING UP. 501 00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,541 I JUST NEEDED A STAND-IN FOR THOSE BROKE-ASS CUBANS. 502 00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,611 Archer: YEAH, I GET IT. Conway: I MEAN, COME ON. 503 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,847 THE CHINESE WILL PAY FIVE TIMES AS MUCH FOR THE WHISPER DRIVE. 504 00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:59,550 AND ONCE THEY DO? LET'S JUST SAY YOU BETTER LEARN HOW TO USE SOME CHOPSTICKS, 505 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,818 BUDDY. 506 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,020 Archer: CONWAY, WAIT! JUST ANSWER ME ONE QUESTION. 507 00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,989 Conway: YEAH, MAKE IT QUICK. MY RIDE'S HERE. 508 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,224 Archer: [ WHEEZES ] 509 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,526 Conway: AND YOUR LUNGS ARE FILLING UP WITH BLOOD. 510 00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,262 Archer: DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH MY MOTHER?! 511 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,899 Conway: WAIT. WHAT? THAT IS YOUR ONLY QUESTION? 512 00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:20,170 NOT WHO AM I, NOT HOW DID I INFILTRATE ISIS, OR WHO THE HELL'S FLYING THE HELICOPTER? 513 00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,806 Archer: JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! 514 00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,510 Conway: NO, ARCHER, I DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOM! 515 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,911 Archer: OH, THANK GOD! 516 00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:30,181 THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TOUGH IMAGE TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD. THANK YOU. 517 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,284 Conway: THAT RIGHT THERE -- THAT KIND OF RACISM IS EXACTLY 518 00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,386 WHY I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE TINY 519 00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,555 LITTLE CHINESE BOOTS ON YOUR 520 00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,190 WHITE-ASS NECKS... 521 00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,093 WHICH MAY SOUND HYPOCRITICAL, I 522 00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:46,096 KNOW, BUT -- WOULD YOU GO?! 523 00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:48,932 WHAT THE -- Lana: SORRY, CONWAY. 524 00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,301 WAIT. SHIT, I HAD SOMETHING FOR THIS. 525 00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,237 Conway: IS IT SOMETHING LIKE, 526 00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,539 "YOU DON'T GET OFF THE HOOK THAT EASY"? 527 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,408 Lana: DAMN IT! Archer: HE'S GOOD AT THOSE. 528 00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:00,043 Lana: WELL, CRAWL ON OVER THERE AND BLOW HIM. Archer: HEY, C'MON. 529 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,079 NOW DROP THE CASE, CONWAY! 530 00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,515 Conway: IT'S CUFFED ON, WOMAN! 531 00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,984 [ GROANS ] AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOUR HANDS 532 00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,320 THAT FRICKING STR-- 533 00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:10,354 AAAHH! 534 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,455 Lana: EW. 535 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:15,058 Conway: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF CONWAY STERN... 536 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,662 WHICH IS NOT MY REAL NA-A-A-ME! 537 00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,497 Archer: SO, LET ME GUESS. 538 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:24,801 Lana: YEAH, WHOEVER HE IS, HE GHOSTED AN I.D. FILE INTO OUR WORLDWIDE DATABASE. 539 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:29,340 Archer: WHICH YOU PROBABLY FOUND WHILE RESEARCHING ME, 540 00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:33,744 LANA, 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN THE, UH, DANGER ZONE! [ COUGHS ] 541 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,782 Lana: AND THOSE WERE HIS LAST WORDS RIGHT BEFORE HE BLED TO DEATH ON THE RUG. 542 00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,184 Malory: WHICH RUG?! 543 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,952 [ CHUCKLES ] GOOD. 544 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,887 I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IN THE BEDROOM. 545 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,756 NO, THAT ONE IS JUST JUTE. 546 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,191 EXACTLY. 547 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:50,394 GUESTS COME IN FROM THE BEACH. THEY'RE ALL SANDY OR WHATEVER, 548 00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:54,064 AND -- SUSPENSION? LANA, DEAR, YOU ARE GETTING A BONUS! 549 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:59,403 MY GOD, YOU FOILED THAT PERFIDIOUS CONWAY, SAVED STERLING'S -- 550 00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,672 ALL RIGHT. JUST PULL THE KNIFE OUT. 551 00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,173 Archer: [ GROANS ] 552 00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,543 Malory: AND THEN SLAP SARAN WRAP ON THE HOLE. 553 00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,312 [ GASPS ] BUT LEAVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE GUACAMOLE. 554 00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,147 NO, YOU SQUEEZE LEMON JUICE 555 00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,982 OVER IT, THEN SMOOSH THE SARAN 556 00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,884 WRAP RIGHT DOWN ON TOP. 557 00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,485 THAT WAY, IT DOESN'T GO BROWN. 558 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,822 OH, LET THE PARAMEDICS DO THAT. 559 00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,490 YOU JUST HAVE FUN, DEAR. 560 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,091 MM-HMM. BYE! 561 00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,760 OH, DAMN! 562 00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,061 NOW I BET SHE'S GOING TO SQUEEZE 563 00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,996 UP ALL MY BRAND-NEW LEMONS! 564 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,764 AND I'LL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO 565 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,366 REMIND ME OF CONWAY. 566 00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,569 EXCEPT HIS LITTLE MOCHA LOVE CHILD. 567 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,569 Malory: HIS WHAT?! 568 00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,105 YEAH! Malory: YOU HAD SEX WITH CONWAY?! 569 00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,274 YEAH, AND HE TOTALLY IMPREGNATED ME. 570 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,742 Malory: WAIT. 571 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,344 HE WAS ONLY HERE TWO DAYS. 572 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,546 HOW IS THAT PREGNANCY TEST SHOWING POSITIVE? 573 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,282 OH, THIS IS JUST A DETERGENT PEN. 574 00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,418 I JUST PUT A LITTLE BLUE STICKER ON IT.